It's really too late and I have to go to bed but I wanted to get this out of the way first.
I took my first technical screen today in what has been at least two years. I did poorly. I didn't solve even one of the questions. I ran out of time.
I am surprised at myself for how good I feel about it. I have become a resilient person. Things like this, a blown chance to show my ability don't really cut deep anymore.
I did my best and if that's not good enough to move to the next step, I'm okay with that. I am optimistic and I work. I take steps towards my goals every day. If one amazing opportunity doesn't work out, I believe another one will.
I am happy with the person I'm becoming. I give myself more grace now. In a lot of ways I'm still not okay. But it's okay to not be okay.
There are very important things that need to get done. I'm the only one who is going to make those things happen and I've been putting them off for too long. My financial situation isn't great. I'm back to the negative checking account balance being normal and constant. My house could be cleaner. There are a million small tasks in my personal backlog.
It's really frustrating to feel like I can do really hard things and not really simple ones. Plenty of things aren't going the greatest right now.
But I'm okay, kinda. I'm pretty sure I can hold it together long enough to see positive changes. I'm increasing my luck all the time. I put myself out there. I go after opportunities. Something is going to come through and on time. I just feel it. I have to be close to a breakthrough.